The Core belief behind Depression

Why Bother!! I have given up.  I am a failure.  Everytime I try to do the right thing I just stuff it up, so there's no point even trying anymore.  I'm always down on myself. I'm such a bad mother and I'm ruining my child's life.  I feel like a loser.  I'm worth-less.  My life is going nowhere.  I'm always getting let down.

Do you feel this way? 

Above are comments regularly heard by sufferers of post natal depression (PND), so if you feel this way often, then there is a possibility you are suffering from PND.

Although modern medicine states that a chemical imbalance in the brain is present in all cases of depression, the Anti-Depression Association of Australia (ADAA) believe that Post Natal Depression is actually caused by inaccurate beliefs you have about yourself and your life, which are present before the physical manifestation of the chemical imbalance.  This is because of the association between the mind and body.

Think about how you react when you see a spider.  Do you freak out, run away, or calmly take it outside? Why do you react this way?  Because of the story you have (beliefs) about what the spider means to you. If you freak out about the spider you would feel a very physical manifestation of fear in your body.  It's not the spider that causes this physical reaction of fear, its actually the beliefs you have about the spider.  This physical manifestation of fear is the same mind-body connection that I'm talking about with the chemical imbalance in depression.  It is common to believe that events cause depression, however if it was the event (like the example of the spider) then everyone who comes into contact with spiders woud freak out. However we know that isn't the case.  Why?  Because everyone has different beliefs about what spiders mean to them.

Expand this example further and you will see that everyone has a different way of perceiving life according to their beliefs.  Not every mum who experiences motherhood has post natal depression because different people have different views of themselves (self-worth) and their lives, and consequently what being a mum means to them.

Through past learning, observations and experiences (primarily as a child) we have learned to perceive life in certain ways and have learned what we believe is right and what is wrong.  We have developed this belief system from our parents, carers, influence, media, peers, education and religion, and this makes up how we view our world. 

Furthermore we have inaccurately learnt that certain 'achievements' and getting life right is what defines our self-worth.  In motherhood, it is common for mums to have high expectations (beliefs) during pregnancy of the kind of mother you will become.  This could be believed either through observing your own parents, being determined not to be like your parents, or through other influences and information that you have recieved over the years that has determined your beliefs about parenting. 

Quite often when we actually have our children, we find that our expectations cannot be met, and this is where the upset begins.  Life hasn't gone the way we had planned and you determine that this means something about you. You feel worth-less.  You feel like you should be doing a better job, that your kids are missing out on a better life etc.  Because of these beliefs you begin to self-criticize, get angry, feel miserable and continue having conversations in your head about how worth-less you are until you get to the point of 'why bother'.  I'm never going to be any good, so I will just give up. 

Our primal instinct is to avoid pain and based on our experience of motherhood we have come to believe that we have failed in our role as a mum and this causes us pain.  We all know how painful it can be to feel like we've failed and for a role as big as being responsible for another human being, it can be hugely painful to feel like a failure in this area.  So it becomes a priority to protect ourselves from feeling this pain and avoid it by not setting goals in this area of our life.  At its extreme end, this is why a mother can sometimes not even want to get out of bed to tend to her children.  

Other beliefs that can cause Post Natal Depression aren't about our skills as a mother, but can be more about what we, as individuals are missing out on now that we are in demand, lacking sleep and lacking time out.  You may feel like your life is of less value because you are not able to experience other parts of life, that according to your beliefs, defined your self-worth (or identity), such as career, friends, financial capabilites etc.  This is often present by a mother feeling as if she has lost her personal identity.

Post Natal Depression can happen to anyone.  It is not governed by financial status, locality, education, health or race.  It is determined solely because of what someone believes about themselves and how they have attached their self-worth to getting their life (or motherhood) right.  That is, only when they can achieve certain things or expectations do they deem themselves 100% worthy.  It is this inaccurate view of themselves and life that creates PND and consequently the phsycial chemical imbalance in the brain. 

So if you are suffering PND, it doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you, or that you are stupid or useless, it just means that you have some inaccurate beliefs underlying the cause of your stress that need to be upgraded.  All it means is that you need to retrain your brain to think differently and get a more accurate view of life and your self-worth.

As a trained coach by the ADAA, I have written The Happy Mum Handbook that can help you to find your way out of Post Natal Depression and begin enjoying your life again.  The Happy Mum Handbook teaches you its unique 5-step Mind TRACK to Happiness process that you can start applying to your life and begin changing the way you think about yourself and your role as a mum. "

Real help is at hand to help you through this tough time and to get the most valuable understanding about yourself you've ever had that you can pass down to your children so they don't have to experience what you have had to.